Do you find yourself asking, “Where has the spark gone?", “How do I open my heart again?", “How do we find love again?” Are you stuck in cycles of complaining and blaming, or avoiding and withholding?
We are wired for love. When we are loved, loving and lovable, we smile with delight—we walk in the world with more ease, joy, and fulfillment. Learning how to go back to that state of being is what couple therapy is all about.
When Couples Need Help
Couples seek counseling when they’ve tried to resolve conflict themselves and find they are stuck in a repetitive dance but don't solve problems or make satisfying and qualitative change. Rather than experiencing being seen and understood, they’ll find themselves going around and around in circular arguments, or avoiding arguments all together and distancing themselves. The result: the tragic loss of intimacy—the foundation for any healthy relationship.
What You Need to Do
When a couple is in conflict, it’s an opportunity to go deeper…to create even greater connection, intimacy, and love than what you’ve ever experienced before. In fact, crisis can bring us closer, if we’re given the right tools and both parties are willing to do the work.
What I Can Do for You
As your couple therapist, I will champion your relationship by introducing tools and skills to prevent common pitfalls so you may find love, compassion, and intimacy again. When your hearts are open and you love fearlessly, you are free to be creative, to show up and be present without risk of blame or shame, and have hope and optimism for the future. You let go of the "story", find room for forgiveness and plan for the future with ease.
Dr. Sue Johnson, author of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) says, "Love is a constant process of tuning in, connecting, missing and misreading cues, disconnecting, repairing, and finding deeper connection. It is a dance of meeting and parting and finding each other again, minute to minute, day to day". As an advanced practitioner of EFT I have learned how important it is to work with couples to identify the recycling patterns that reinforce attachment injury. If we don't confront the pain of repetitive injury we cannot begin the process of grief and healing required for repair.
Employing multiple tools from various disciplines (Emotionally Focused Therapy, PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy) and SCT (Systems-centered Theory) which incorporate attachment theory, neurobiology and systems thinking, I offer a map for the couple to navigate through this process. In a collaborative and integrative manner, I train you, the couple, to communicate the language of the heart leading to intimacy, interconnectivity and individuation. I believe a committed partnership is ultimately a journey toward Self.
Together, we will look at what expands your relationship and what triggers it to contract. Through words, tone, body language, eye contact and facial expressions, you will develop skills to cultivate an environment for safe exploration and discovery.
Please call me at 415-641-8551 or email me at [email protected] for an initial consultation. I look forward to talking with you.